Gee, That's Not Very Accepting...

Not accepting picture books

Not accepting Christmas cheer

Not accepting butterflies

(Too many at this time of year)

Sorry for the tiny print

(We figure you have tiny eyes)

But say, did you know your dreams

                 could be crushed

By something half this size?

Not accepting precious pearls

No exceptions, any kind

Not expecting miracles

(Not to put you out of mind)

but

Not accepting picture books

Not amassing karmic points

Not a licensed charity

(Not to get you out of joint)

Not a lot of interest

Not so much a big cash cow

We're not saying never but,

Not for ages, anyhow

Not another piece of tripe

Not to be discouraging

But are you not a little old

To be into that sort of thing?

No

Not another picture book

It's not what kids are looking for

Not unless the pictures move

Not when reading's such a chore

Not for nothing do we publish

Thrillers, Chillers and Romance

Not the books that one can get through

In one set of underpants

(As children grow, so books like ours

Do not stay books for very long

When Hollywood comes calling and

We option them for half a song..)

Not accepting picture books!

Why not write about a spy

Whose wife is a seafaring prostitute

Whose eye is really a werewolf's eye?

He tears apart a hotel room

Where wizards are known to hide

And discovers a dwarf in the mini-bar

Who comes along just for the ride

There's not a lot of time in life

So please do not delay

DO rush to us your manuscript

(But the pictures; throw them away!)

Not another day shall pass

That we'll not think upon

Your masterpiece of modern prose

(Sans illustrations)

Not assaulting picture books

(That simply isn't our intent)

But picture books don't pay the bills

And picture books don't make the rent

Not an agent will you find

If picture books are in your soul

To place you with a publisher

No, that is not an agent's goal

An agent's work is serious

Oh, where do I begin?

You're an agent, you hit the ground running, son,

And doodlers don't fit in

So you may as well get started

On that book with the dwarf and the spy

And his nonagenarian mistress

With the werewolf's other eye

It's a stern and a serious business

So believe us when we say

We're not accepting picture books

No, sir; No how; No way!